Lile's space

随着最后一个reference的加注，让我持续工作（穿插游戏）了一个礼拜的文章宣告完成。看了看表，十点钟。刚刚好到我一般运动的时间了。突然有跑步的冲动。那就开始准备吧。

从来没有在零度以下的夜晚跑过步。最接近的经历应该是初中和稚友们在冬天穿着棉袄踢球的日子。有点不知所措。应该穿得很多来保暖，还是应该像美国人学习穿短裤呢？最后上身穿了一件T-shirt,一件长袖秋衣（希望大家都知道这是什么...)，套了一个超薄担配帽子的外套，下身穿了一条我夏天晚上跑步的长裤。在msn上面跟两位好心人作了“如果半个小时后没听到我的消息就请开车出来找我（小心的我再三嘱咐了注意观察倒在地上的人影）”的交代 ，踏上球鞋就向着黑暗冲杀了出去。那害怕，那激动～！

真冷！下身单薄了点，但怎么也不比露在外面不停摇摆的双手遭罪。不由自主的把手往口袋里塞。幸好外套可以把头罩住，不然上面散热一快，人就要晕。跑了两、三分钟后，人热了起来，感觉好了些。这时迎面不远处跑过来一个美国mm。跟我一样，聳（song2,我不知道是那个字）在自己衣服里面，但坚持着。我不由自主的把右手举在了空中。没有眼神的交汇，没有只言片语的寒暄，只有两个低头蹒跚的人志同道合的high-five.

跑到了下半程，腿有点抬不起来。冷天跑步很明显不是一般的消耗体力。如果是在新加坡，我可能要靠不断跟自己“赌狠”地说：“是不是孬种？不是！是不是孬种？不是！。。。”来继续跑下去。但此时，我的双脚去从来没有想停过。似乎只要一停，下一刻我就会被冻僵、倒下。似乎只要一停，生命就失去意义、萎頹。面对死亡冰冷的追逐，人像打了吗啡样，忘记喘息，忘记痛苦，脸上带着诡异的笑容，上瘾的向前跑。。。

我突然想起了春天跑步走马观花的闲情逸致，夏天跑步在路边寻找“呱～呱～～”来源的调皮，秋天跑步对额头和落叶美丽邂逅那一刹那的期盼，为什么人们要沉迷于冬天的寒冷呢？那我又到底喜欢哪一季节呢？

才发现己经到了门口。拿出钥匙，我开了门，头也没回的奔上了楼梯。

I just heard that Lam had an operation to remove a colon tumor from zzq. Though the results of prognosis have yet to be revealed, the situation was described as "not optimistic". As I was worried about him, memories of Lam popped out from nowhere and, let's just say, overwhelmed me.

"Mr. Lam" was what we first came to know him as ten years ago. My first impression of him was that this round, funky middle-age man (he spiked his hair!), whom we later discovered to have been the coach of Singapore's judo national team, could hardly be a suitable candidate for a middle school maths teacher. But since I knew that he was the man who was going to take care of all the 34 (some kind and forgiving soul corrects me if I got the number wrong) of us young, impressionable, and sometimes arrogant (and yes, all male) adolescents, I felt natural to make an effort to know him better.

That wasn't hard at all. For starters, he lived just downstairs. And he surely made his presence felt. He always walked around to check on each and everyone of us and he frequently invited us to his place (later on, we shamelessly invited ourselves). We quickly became acquainted with his movie collection, shelves of comics, judo moves, laughter, and very very tight hugs. As such, it came as no surprise that "Mr. Lam" was gradually replaced with "Lam" or "Lam Baba" (Hey, we were a group of guys. Please don't expect us to come up with any more endearing titles).

Due to some stupid reason that I cannot recollect now, I began to distance myself from him. The estrangement took on a life of itself and kept deepening, even when the initial causes faded in memory. So now I forgot what went wrong and all I know is that I miss him. I still remember he said to me one day, "I have to save money now." "Why?" I asked. Come on, he was probably not going to have a wife or kids to spend money on and he earned decently. Why did he need to save money for. "I need to have enough Ang Bao (red packet) money for each of your weddings. I would probably be retired then, where can the money come from?" All along, we were family to him. We were sons to him...

Which is why I'm really comforted to hear that at least one of us (kudos to xiaohu, xuwei, kun ge, xiao hei, zzq and many others. I'll see to it that I knew everyone who took care of Lam) is at his bedside everyday. In fact, the word "us" may be too much of an indulgence, too much of a luxury for me to use. I haven't been doing anything for him and I can't do anything for him now. Except, perhaps, praying...

I met Bruce and Fred in Chicago last weekend. I just realized that I couldn't have even know them had Lam Baba not brought us to that tiny island...

对于我来说，清理邮箱时间非常耗时耗力不得好的事。 华丽丽的（声援一下陈博吧）不好！
邮箱的内存信息条码从绿，到黄，到红，直到了不能加attachement
唉～～叹了口气，往杯子里到了一点点bacardi，加了一点chai tea （我完全不知道这是什么），小酢了一口，还行！
于是就在一边等老婆贵妃起床，一边删起了邮件。
因为有很多facebook的垃圾邮件，所以我就把所有的邮件以人名来排。
很惊讶自己跟过不少稀奇古怪的人写过邮件，于是很多时候忍不住点开看看。。。

这一边看一边回味的感觉把我带回了7，8年前。当时在新加坡，虽然开始有用邮件，但毕竟不多。哥们们经常就抄起笔来给家人，给爱人，给朋友送上厚厚薄薄的想念。每逢了周五晚上，我就会躲在宿舍老师家的漫画室里，听着学友的歌，将我那鸡爪抓样的字布满了那几张可怜的纸。不管我字多烂，却总能收到回信。有的长，有的短；有的是专用纸，有的是那令人怀念绿色格子纸；有的信有这非常好看的图案，于是有心人小心翼翼地避开图案，而潇洒人则在大眼睛娃娃脸上涂鸦；有的信纸有香味较重，跟别的信放在一起毫不保留地宣扬着自己的感染力；有的信则惹着淡淡的清香，随着时间慢慢的消散、遗忘。。。（最让我难忘的是那些比我子还糟糕的笔友们，总是让我开心一刻）

那些信我现在还留着。在一个好大的盒子里。好久没回味了。有谁愿意给我钱买机票让我回去再重温那些美好往事呢？

对着没有生机的邮件，华丽丽的删吧！

记得半年前我房间的吊灯坏了。宿舍管理员告诉我要自己去买灯泡把旧的换下来就好。我抱着侥幸的心理小“求”了他一下。他那微笑摇头的样子在我心中烙下了深深的痕迹：“真他妈的狠心！”

不断的给自己找借口（“买灯泡的地方太远！” “没车不方便出门” “好多事情要做")，顶着老爸老妈老婆的压力（视屏聊天的时候总被质问：“为什么家里黑乎乎的”），终于熬到了暑假回家。可谓眼不见心不烦了~

返回学校大半个月了，不仅是我，大洋彼岸的亲人们都习惯了唯独一只小台灯照明的房间了。靠着它，我玩电脑，做作业，做运动，唱歌，好不快活！有时我实在觉得暗了点，就跑到明亮的客厅里转悠一下。似乎感觉身体能吸收点光，带回到卧室。

终于，在今天，客厅的灯也坏了。于是乎，只剩下厨房，厕所，储藏室。。。

记得以前有人说他们几个从来都不担心我，因为我像一只小强一样，在哪里都能生存。我当时极汗！现在则是直冒冷汗。。。再想想，自从小包搬走后，我已经习惯没有微波炉的日子了。。。再想想看，不对，再看看我的房间。。。我是小强

ps:老婆跟我打赌，说我在今年之前是换不了灯泡的，我觉得她一定赢

在家里坐在电脑前
沉重的眼皮不停地给自己打气：
“是不是孬种？我不是孬种！困不困，我不困！”

不知是因为心情烦躁还是家里通风稍差
薄薄的汗珠往背上罩上了厚厚的毯子
武汉话说“嘎～”

窗帘外
树枝摇摆的那是一个快活
屋里面
该死的风吝啬的敷衍着我

你不来，老子过去找你！

踢上懒惰的拖鞋
扯上松散的七分裤
贴身的套上软夹克
要的就是这个very huggable的行头

没有手机
没有钱包
没有重重的背包
要的就是这个两手空空坐飞机的感觉

电视里在重要人物推开门一霎那总要放慢镜头
好让观众们细细品味心爱角色们
那优雅的动作
那飘逸的衣角
那众里寻她(他)千百度的眼神
和那只有看见爱人才露出的笑容

我～就是对自己抱着这样的幻想推开宿舍的门的走到了户外

另一个世界～

一阵风迎面吹来
泥土的气息夹杂着雨水的清新
原本燥热的耳垂像被一双冰凉而又轻柔的手慢慢地抚摸、降温

我摸了摸拉链
潜意识的往下拉了少许
风鼓起了我的夹克
将背后的汗珠打乱、吹散、带走～

四周很静
只有听不到的蛙叫和我拖鞋孤独又有规律的拖拉声
于是我哼起了小调
给我的步伐找了个伴儿：

是谁~~~
在敲打我窗~~~~
是谁~~~
在~撩动~琴弦~~
...

当我再抬头向有黄路灯看去
似乎在颤动的树梢上
坠下了片黄叶
原来已经是秋天了。。。